This one is way to good not to re-post.

Bonnie belongs to the T.O. Wanna Winner’s Contest Club and has a wonderful flare for writing.  She really shows her stuff this week by posting a letter to Subway regarding the dismal odds in their current Scrabble-style sweepstakes.

Bonnie’s Letter to Subway

Dear Subway,

Wow, you’re having a contest. Good for you.

Oh, and you’re having a contest with the lowest odds of winning in Canadian contesting history – you should be really proud. The rest of us are alarmed, if not disappointed, that you thought no one was going to notice how likely it was that your company would be keeping the $250,000 grand prize in your back pocket while countess uninformed Canadians gulped down soda pop 21 ounces at a time.

Even though the odds are one in five billion that you care about my opinion, I thought I’d improve my chances by writing you this letter.

It turns out that the letters I’ve been collecting by purchasing your overpriced beverages can also help me spell some words that I can use to describe how I really feel about your Play Subway Scrabble contest.

Z-I-P
The level of interest this contest generates when people discover that their odds of winning the lottery are much, much better.

A-T-T-E-M-P-T
A feeble act conducted by Subway to lure customers into their restaurants. Odds of it working: 1:326,652,198

B-I-G W-U-S-S
The name of the executive who approved this campaign. Odds of this person getting a raise: 1:130,660,879

You might want to get a coffee and make yourself comfortable; I’ve been working on this for a while.

F-A-S-T O-N-E
What Subway tried to pull on Canadian consumers.

S-U-B-P-O-E-N-A
What Subway executives should be expecting soon.

B-A-L-O-N-E-Y
A type of meat you can get on a Subway sandwich, and what the marketing team is full of. If you’re watching your weight, you should deal with the other type of marketing team member they have:

T-U-R-K-E-Y-S
The folks who thought that Canadian consumers would gobble up this idea without reading the fine print.

B-O-G-E-Y-M-A-N
The type of person who will be declared the “W-I-N-N-E-R” of the grand prize. Odds of us ever learning his/her real name: 1:1,633,260,992.

B-O-N V-O-Y-A-G-E
Say goodbye to all that “feel good” publicity you were hoping this campaign would create. Jared’s too skinny to appeal to us anymore, so just give up already.

S-W-E-E-T R-E-V-E-N-G-E
Wow, I almost used up all my letters in one play! This is for getting all my friends and family to go to Mr. Sub instead of your misleading place. Odds of that happening: 1:1

Oh, and in case some of these letters are impossible to get, I’ll use some of the easier ones in my final word for you:

N-O
As in, “no thank you.”

Your Play Subway Scrabble campaign, upon closer inspection, appears to be short more than just a few letters. Odds of recovery: 1:5,470,776,824.

Sincerely,

Bonnie Staring
A Canadian Consumer